KONAYUKI

Konayuki mau kisetsu wa itsumo sure chigai

Hitogomi ni magirete mo onaji sora miteru no ni

Kaze ni fukarete nita you ni kogoeru no ni

Boku wa kimi no subete nado shitte wa inai darou

Soredemo ichi oku nin kara kimi wo mitsuketa yo

Konkyo wa naikedo honki de omotterunda

Sasaina ii aimo nakute

Onaji jikan wo ikite nado ike nai

Sunao ni nare nai nara

Yorokobi mo kanashimi mo munashii dake

Konayuki nee kokoro made shiroku somerareta nara

Futari no kodoku wo wake au koto ga dekita no kai

[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/r/remioromen/konayuki.html ]

Boku wa kimi no kokoro ni mimi wo oshi atete

Sono koe no suru hou he sutto fukaku made

Orite yukitai soko de mou ichi do aou

Wakari aitai nante

Uwabe wo nadete itano wa boku no hou

Kimi no kajikanda te mo nigirishimeru

Koto dakede tsunagatteta no ni

Konayuki nee eien wo mae ni amari ni moroku

Zara tsuku ASUFARUTO no ue shimi ni natte yuku yo

Konayuki nee toki ni tayori naku kokoro wa yureru

Soredemo boku wa kimi no koto mamori tsuduketai

Konayuki nee kokoro made shiroku somerareta nara

Futari no kodoku wo tsutsunde sora ni kaesu kara

The season in which the powdered snow dances always passes by
Even if I’m lost in a crowd I can see the same sky
Even though I'm chilled as if I'm being blown by the wind

I don't know anything(1) about you, do I?
And yet, I found you amongst a billion(2) people
There's no (scientific) basis for this, but I believe this with all seriousness

We can't live at the same time without trivial fights
If I can't be honest, then rapture and sorrow are meaningless

Powdered snow, if you paled me white to the heart
Can you share our loneliness?

I pressed my ear against your heart
Going gently, deeply towards where the sound (is coming from)
(That's where) I want to disembark,
There, we'll meet once again

I want us to reach rapport but I was the (only) one who touched its surface
The only thing that was holding us together was my hand squeezing yours that was numb with cold
Powdered snow, in front (of us), eternity, too fragilely, becomes a stain upon rough asphalt

Powdered snow, this heart that has transcended time is faltering
And yet, I want to continue to protect you

Powdered snow, if you paled me white to the heart
You would wrap around our loneliness and send it back into the sky

FROM A FRIEND.

When u wish u could change this moment to another time and place
To a time where the sun is sleeping quietly
The road that u have chosen
To find the truth till the end of time
Before u lose your faith
Because if we only try, then we can keep the truth inside of us
When u wish for this night to last a lifetime
For when the darkness surrounds u
So soft to its touch
If u could only go down with the sun
Down with the night
For sorrow has a human heart

That what we do not understand
That what we care for little
That what we cry about
Someone will always hear u
When u cry at night

Over the horizon, in a place where we do not belong
Where constant fear is a daily routine

That’s where the stars never shine
Bring home just one little star
and light the sky bit by bit with your smile
Love will never lie
Stop crying your heart out
For u will never know what u are worth
If u never try

When all the stars start to fade away
and the world darkens
then u know… that someone close to u is crying
For u are not the only one crying
u are not alone tonight

Because u will see that one day
One day u will not need to cry like this
One day where u will no longer need to shed tears for your loved ones

U are the star, the light that will bring hope
The one star, that will never fade away

BACA DAN FAHAMI.

Suatu hari,seorang bayi menerima perintah daripada Penciptanya: "Sebentar lagi,engkau akan bersiap sedia untuk diturunkan ke dunia."

Sesungguhnya bayi itu berasa amat takut,gusar kerana memikirkan akan dilahirkan ke dunia yang tidak pernah dilihatnya.

Lalu bayi ini bertanya kepada tuhannya: "Selama ini ada malaikat yang menjagaku.Dan para malaikat ini memberitahu,aku akan dikirimkan ke dunia.Tetapi bagaimana aku akan hidup di dunia itu dengan tubuhku yang kecil dan lemah ini?"

Lalu tuhannya menjawab: "Jangan takut,sesungguhnya Aku telah memilih seorang untuk menjaga dan mengasihimu di dunia itu nanti!"

Akibat masih takut,bayi itu bertanya lagi: "Dunia itu sudah tentu berbeza.Jika di dalam syurga ini aku hanya perlu bermain,bernyanyi dan ketawa membuatku terasa bahagia.Bagaimana di dunia itu nanti?"

Lalu tuhannya menjawab." Jangan takut.Malaikat yang Ku pilih akan menyanyikan lagu untukmu,menghadiahkanmu dengan senyuman dan kasihnya membuat engkau berasa hangat dan dicintai!"

Bayi itu masih belum berpuas hati lalu bertanya lagi: "Aku tidak akan memahami bahasa mereka dan mereka juga tidak akan memahami apa yang akan aku bicarakan.Bagaimana aku boleh hidup dengan mereka?"

Lalu tuhannya menjawab: "Malaikat yang Aku pilih itu akan berbicara padamu dengan bahasa yang paling lembut dan dipenuhi kesabaran dan perhatian.Dengan ketulusan dia akan mengajarmu untuk berbicara."

Bayi itu bertanya lagi: "Dan bagaimana caranya perlu aku lakukan jika ingin berbicara dengan-Mu kelak?"

Lalu tuhannya menjawab: "Malaikatmu itu akan mengajar bagaimana caranya nanti!"

Bayi itu masih terus bertanya: "Aku dengar di dunia itu ramai orang jahat.Jadi siapa yang akan melindungiku nanti?"

Lalu tuhannya menjawab: "Malaikatmu itu akan melindungimu dengan segenap jiwa raganya sekalipun perlu mengorbankan dirinya!"

Dengan sedih,bayi itu berkata lagi: "Aku akan berasa sedih kerana tidak dapat bersama-Mu lagi!"

Lalu tuhannya menjawab: "Usah gusar.Malaikatmu itu akan menceritakan tentang-Ku kepadamu.Malaikat itu akan mengajar engkau bagaimana engkau akan kembali kepada-Ku bila sampai waktunya nanti.Sesungguhnya Aku sentiasa berada di sisimu!"

Dan sebelum diturunkan ke dunia,bayi itu bertanya soalan terakhir: "Jika sudah aku terpaksa pergi ke dunia itu,bolehkah aku tahu siapakah nama malaikat yang Engkau maksudkan itu?"

Lalu tuhannya mejawab: "Ibu! Ibu yang melahirkan engkau!"

Going Back

After a week of Raya holiday... im finally going back to CFS.. Homeworks just waiting for me.. I havent even read the Quranic verses im suppose to remember.. 10 marks...goodbye..

Okay... Enough playing around. Going back means that I need to change. I got two weeks before final and Im quite clueless.. Need to work harder... Need to do everything just so that i would feel like i deserve the three months holidays that came after that.

Blogging

In a way...blogging is my escape route from reality. Its easier being here..with noone else to judge me, but then, its hard being here when noone is beside me. I felt free here. Free to write anything I want, anything I been surpressing in my heart, all the secrets I had kept from others' ear. Here, Im in my own little world. Im not obliged to answer to anyone, but all my questions are answered by noone.

It made me think. For a reason, I felt like I am the Beast in fairytale.Like him, I am also stuck in a big world, alone, understandable by none, and also ignored by everyone. I want to leave, but something is chaining me to the big mansion. Maybe, its the part of me that doesnt want to leave. Maybe the chain is made up of the fear inside of me, of what could have been if I leave the safety of the mansion.

What nobody hear my pleas for help? Why nobody wants to hold up their hand and give me a feel of security, so that I can leave this mansion of feeling I called blog?

Should I move forward or backward?

I stand in the middle of nowhere,

Looking at noone,

Being ignored by everyone.

And I started to think.

Am I alive?

Or just a body of a soulless creature?

My brain is telling me Im alive.

The thumping of my warm heart served as the proof.

But then, the coldness of my life

contradict with all the warmness that my heart is giving out.

I walked, and walked, and walked.

Just to reach the end of the line.

Look down to see the bottomless pit.

Butterflies flying around.

Inviting me to join them.

Should I? Would that be the right answer?

I asked that question over again.

But, why nobody want to answer me?

Fact that slapped me hard.

Fact that remind me,

Im alone.

Standing at the border of freedom and loneliness.

What choice should I made?

What choice would be the right one?

To move forward, or to move backward?

Can anyone help me?

Kad Raya

*M*

Sahabat..mengapa..kau selalu..

tinggalkan aku sendiri..

Sungguh ku merindukan masa bersamamu.

Ku disini kan menunggu,

hingga waktu ketemu...

*H*

For all the mistakes I had done, whether I realised it or not, Sorry.

For all the trash-talk that I had done behind your back or straight at your face, Sorry.

For all the time wasted without me appreciated you more, Sorry.

*P*

The time with you are so precious to me.

But, I know that there must be time my words hurt you bad. For that, I would like to say Sorry.

Gomenneii for not treating you well.

Gomenneii for hurting you sometimes.

Gomenneii that I didnt realised all of this earlier, or else I would had treated you better during the past.

*R*

Sebagai manusia biasa, kita dicipta dengan berbagai kelemahan dan keburukan.

Kerana itu, banyak yang kita lalukan tanpa sedar membuatkan orang lain terasa hati.

Kerana aku manusia biasa, aku ingin minta maaf.

Maaf kerana aku cakap belakang hang kadang-kala

Maaf kerana aku mood tak baik kadang-kala

Maaf kalau aku bukan kawan yang baik.

*AT*
Ada masa kita terlupa untuk ucapkan kata itu.

'Terima Kasih'- Untuk segala-galanya. Segala yang pernah hang berikan kepada aku yang berjay mengubah aku.

'Maaf'- Aku bukannya kawan yang terbaik. Namun, aku mencuba untuk memberikan yang terbaik.

'Aku sayang hang'- Sebagai kawan yang aku cuba pegang hingga akhir waktu.

*I*

Untuk segalanya. Terima Kasih.

Untuk waktu-waktu yang sering kita bazirkan. Maaf.

Untuk masa yang hang bazirkan untuk aku. Terima kasih.

Untuk waktu hang yang aku bazirkan. Maaf.

Untuk kata-kata semangat yang pernah hang luahkan. Terima Kasih.

Untuk kata-kata yang menyakitkan hati hang. Maaf.

Untuk segala-galanya. Terima Kasih dan Maaf.

WHAT THE MOMENT I

Heres the thing.

It started by something that my friend, also my next-door-neighbour, was involved in when she was in secondary school. She was scammed by a girl who acted to be some guy (real guy who really exist, her super cute cousin) and when my friend realised that she was scammed (not the most appropriate word, but I cant find other that wont humiliate her. So, she(my friend) doesnt want to have any other relationship with that girl. Suddenly, a friend request came from the cousin, lets just called him E why wont we? So, E, the guy that the girl pretended to be (confusing much?) sent a friend request to my friend. My friend, initial F, was suspicious of this E, since she afraid that the guy might be a 'she' again. Due to this, she started investigating E's fb, and also the fb of the girl he is having relationship with. While investigating, we (my friend who is in my room, my roommate and I) read the posts and they were all very2 lovey-dovey to the point that it is sickening.

So, my roommate and my friend was like criticising them and was like 'this is so unreal', 'they are so sickening' and such. Being the lone ranger on this, I just stated that its their fb account. They have the right to post such things. The point is simple, if you dont like it, dont read it. But, both of them still said that they shouldnt do this, they should think of others (seriously, in my point of view, they (F and my roommates, F2 are just being stupid, jealous girls) I clearly stated my point which is, 'If you dont like it, then dont read it.' Simple rules of freedom of speech and freedom of right not to read.

And suddenly F2 said, jokingly (that doesnt come across as a joke, AT ALL!) "Bihah (thats what I asked them to call me) never coupled with anyone so Bihah doesnt understand the feeling of being betrayed." What the fuck?!! (pardon for the extremely 'nice' word) She doesnt know me, so how dare she says that to me?!!! You dont need to coupled to be betrayed, you just need a guy! And I already understand that kind of feeling. What she said really make me feels like I want to scream.

Yo, babe! If the reason why we are having contradicting opinion is because I never coupled, then for what reason does the freedom of speech is enacted for?! Fuck! Its my own lifestyle, and even if YOU considered it as laughable thing, I dont! Seriously felt like Im being looked down upon.

"Apa? Couple tu baek sangat ke?! Tak couple tu dosa ke?" I seriously want to say that to her face. Just to let her know that what she just said, cant be taken as a joke at all. Seriously.... FUCK!!! I wanna go back Taiping, back to the people who understand me, and not be here with people who thinks something that I really lack of as something that are jokeable.

What should I do when I hate my roommate? *____*

Me and people.

Stop and think.

Am I a pessimistic,

or just someone who are too cold-hearted to care about other people?

Am I a person who is hateable,

or its because my attitude are showing the bad side of me?

I want people to like me,

but then, do I like people?

I want people to talk to me more,

but do I listen when they want to talk to me?

I want people to be friend with me,

but am I being a good friend with to them?

I want to feel like I belong,

but do I try to fit in?

Is it because of other people?

Or because of myself?

It is very easy to point finger to other people, since you only need to raise one finger and it cost less energy. But then again, the other three fingers (thumb are not included since it is the natural side -pointing to the ground-) are pointing back to you.

From me. To Me.

To: Me.

Praise to ALLAH for the chance he had given to you to still breath the air of his creation. Always remember, you will always went back to him, so your thought must be filled with him always. I know you already know all of that, but still, why are you still love to do what he had asked you not to do? And why you never do what he had asked you to do?

He asked you to take care of yourself, your behaviour, your everything. But you still behave childishly, still acting like the world is yours and forever will be yours. Why dont you stop to think about all the hope he had given to you? All the help that he give to you when you asked for it. You always remember HIM when everything is against you, but never remember HIM when the time is at your side.

He asked you to read His love letters. All the stories He had given to His creations, but still, you are too arrogant to remember this. You are too caught out in your world that you even have problem understanding His letters. You are too conceited to stop and remember back the real reason you are bring down to the world.

He asked you to search for the best in this world. But, you still looked at the worse. You are always pessimistic when there are a lot of good things in this world. Why wont you just open your eyes to look at everything that are made to give you the best life you had ever had. Again, why wont you just stop for a while and give thanks to him and stop taking everything for granted?

Finally, but most importantly, He asked you to always keep Him in your mind. But what did you do? You occupied your time with your comics, stories, internet and much, much more. Not to say that you cant, but think about it, when do you find time for Him? Just a few minutes that you totally give to Him, your head completely occupied with him, without even few centimetres for other things. You cant even do that right?

Why this happen?

Is it because His order are too heavy to be carry out? Says no, since He always make easy for you. He never burden to you anything that are too heavy and hard for you.

Is it your upbringing? Says no, or you are blaming your parents that had done everything in their power to give you the best.

Is it because of your self? Says yes, and then you will see for yourself the reason why Im writing to you this letter.

From: Me

_LIFE IN CFS_

Since this topic has been the hottest among my classmates, so I might as well share it here. But, Im not gonna talk about it general or what-ev, but seeing that THIS is MY blog, Im gonna talk about myself, with relation to me being in CFS.

Got to say that being here is really a blessing in disguise... Its like Allah had heard my prayer and decided to give me a second chance to change myself (and as Im writing this, I

had skipped homeworks, studying and solat terawih...nice Farah.. ==")

Back to the topic. Im sure that if Allah had not given me the chance to be here, I will still be far from HIM.

Proof: Im in ISLAMIC UNIVERSITY, and I STILL CANT CONTROL MYSELF. What if I was studying in some place where the rules are islamic enough? Wont my situation be worse?

Study are rough, and the fact that I need to gain gpa 3.0 and cgpa 3.4 are worse. But then again, Allah had given me just enough time to study, but I still just take my own sweet time and just give in to my lust.

Proof: the fact that Im writing this blog when I should be studying is convincing enough I think

Erm...being here really bring me back to my feet. It suddenly hit me that here, Im not the top scorer anymore. Things wont just go my way if I dont put an effort on it. I cant gained anything if I dont work my ass off.

Problem: I know it but Im hopeless when it come down to fighting my lust. Im weak...I know that.. >//<

--------------------------------------------------

The only downside of being here is the fact that I kinda feels friendless and I really miss all my old friends, since I felt more wanted with them. Here, I feels like Im always alone, though I have people around me. I just cant fit in.

Life In CFS IIUM PJ

Okay...Its fasting month right now, and just my luck that I got my monthly leave a day before the first puasa... ==" Moving along. Classes has been good, but i been to better. Im kinda the average kid in class, not the worse, but definitely not the best.. Except for Arabic class... im the worse, even worse than the worse.. TT___TT again..moving on.. assignment was a nightmare, now waiting for the damn marks for both assignment and exams.. >< scared and not even an ounce of excitedness... And I kinda feels like I dont fit in well with other people... just my imagination maybe? due to my insecurity?

My life in CFS IIUM PJ

Erm.. I cant put everything that had happen since now, since a lot had happen! So I will just summarised it all.. Its really fun here, but i still have the feeling not-belonging. I mean, I have friends, but it just seems like Im not really needed here.. >< Now, I am the greatest club ever! Environmental and Nature Club~ Its really fun and I love it~ maybe i will update later when i remember more...

10 things i hate that involve you.

1. I hate how being with you could easily make my heart race.

2. I hate that you always make me smile.

3. I hate the fact that everyone realise my feelings towards you even before i do.

4. I hate how close we are but how far it feels like to me.

5. I hate that my eyes will always search for you wherever I am.

6. I hate how just the mere thought of you make me blushed.

7. I hate that I am still thinking of you when we havent meet for a while.

8. I hate it when a love song make me think of you.

9. I hate the fact that you will never see me as how I see you.

10. I hate how I will never see you again when you still dont know my feelings for you.

A sudden thought

Erm... I know this is stupid...but i do craved for someone to like me.. @___@ So, I wanna do a list of things I like my future boyfriend to have. (total one-sided thinking, but what ever~)

1) Serious about things such as himself, his religion, career, studies, future and families.

2) Care about me. VERY IMPORTANT!

3) Respect my privacies, but its alright if he want to know.

4) Respect my families and friends.

5) Respect other people especially the elderly.

6) 3) Wear spectacles? XP

7) He can be as possesive as he want, as long as he let me be as possesive as I want.

Thats all..I think...urm...

I dont need someone who are popular when he didnt care at all about me.

I dont need someone handsome when he didnt respect my life and his own.

I dont need someone charming when he didnt know where his future will bring him.

"Find someone who isn't afraid to admit that they miss you. Someone who knows you're not perfect, but treats you as if you are. Someone whose biggest fear is losing you. One who gives their heart completely. Someone who says 'I Love You' and means it. Lastly, find someone you wouldn't mind waking up with you in the morning, seeing your wrinkles, and your gray hair but still falls in love with you."

Girls' Day Out

This evening, I went to hang out with Mai in Taiping Sentral. We kicked things off with a newly released movie: Kongsi. Its seriously fun to watch, but the only thing slacking is the ending! Got to say, its has a good run, but the ending feels like it missing something important. Wont be too surprised if they ended up making a new movie as a continuation of this. Well, i was hoping that is the case.

Okay, after that, we went to Tesco to pick up Mai's glasses. I saw the shoes that I want, black and white, just like the rules stated. Then, KFC for lunch.. Meet Kak Yang and Mat Noor there, got treated to lunch by Mai, since she did owe me and I paid for her cinema's ticket<--sounded really ungrateful here..hahaha.. XD

After lunch, we are off to Taiping Sentral again, looking around. Mai said that she wanted to see the movie Priest, but it doesnt look THAT good, so we didnt go.. Its 3D, which mean, more expensive price ticket! *__*

Having nothing to do, we acting like a coule of kindergarten kids and played around, with the games I mean.. XP It was really fun, but kinda upset that Mai keeps winning all of the games, Im seriously a benchwarmer... T..T We spent like rm7 on games before getting too bored and sweaty, and walked away back to Tesco to have cups of IceBlog before heading home..

The funny thing that happen during that drink time is that suddenly a group of guys played the jukebox, with Hindi song! Me and Mai was like, "what..!" We are seriously staring at the guys when they started walking away and they realise that we are staring, and laughing so I think they are kinda embarressed a bit.. XD

Thats all...hoping to go out sometimes soon...

My most lovable enemy in the world....

Urm....Im just caught in the moment, after watching matlufti video, but Im sure I will never had the courage to write something like this later on...so Im writing it now..

Got to say that I love my mum...though I dont show it very much...well..she even said herself that I treated her like enemy (self-explain the title I guess) But yeah.. I couldnt asked for a better mum.. I know the only reason why we fought a lot is because Im a lot like her.. We had almost the same attitude, so maybe we are self-hating kind f person?

I rarely show her that I love her, and my dad, and all of my familes members, but I truely does.. I cant think of any other family I rather be in, except for this.. We sometimes has our differences but thats what keeps us closer since at the end of the day, we will always know that we got each others' back.

I thought of this a lot.. How can I survive if one day, they leave me...? I know its a pessimic thing to think of, but as a human being, we got to accept that death will takes us at anytime.. So, what can I do at that time? Will I cry? Will I lose the will to live? What will happen?

FAIRYTALE....?

When I was just a little girl, My mama used to tuck me into bed, And she read me a story.

It always was about a princess in distress, And how a guy would save her, And end up with the glory.

I'd lie in bed, And think about,The person that I wanted to be.

Then one day I realized, The fairy tale life wasn’t for me.

I don’t wanna be like Cinderella, Sitting in a dark, cold, dusty cellar,

Waiting for somebody to come and set me free. (Come and set me free)

I don’t wanna be like someone waiting, For a handsome prince to come and save me

Oh, no, will survive, Unless somebody’s on my side.

Don’t wanna be, No, no, no one else.

I’d rather rescue myself.

I can slay (I can slay) my own dragons. (My own dragons)

I can dream my own dreams. (My own dreams)

My knight in shining armor (shining armor) is me.

So I'm gonna set me free.

---lyric: THE CHEETAH GIRLS *CINDERALLA*----

New Direction

Erm... I didnt get PILN...sad? ....urm...not really... happy? seriously not at all...Guess I just has to accept it with an open heart..

Okay..Though I didnt get PILN, I did get PIDN, means Im gonna be studying in UIA, the good thing, its under full scholarship until Ijazah (well, that depends on whether my grade is good enough to go to Ijazah or not)

The thing is: UIA ---> UNIVERSITI ISLAM ANTARABANGSA or INTERNATIONAL ISLAMIC UNIVERSITY is a...well, you get the deal..ISLAMIC UNIVERSITY.. So, upon registration, I would need to go through 3 type of Exam...

1) English Test (Im not really worried, though I dont think I can get full marks, but im quite confident I wont fail)

2) Arabic Test (Though I would surely fail, but Im not THAT worried since quite a number of seniors told me that I should just write my name and get out)

3) Tilawah and Fardhu Ain Test (The only test Im freaking out about, since Im as clueless as a baby..actually I think a baby has more clue than me TT..TT) -the real reason to my fear is because im afraid people will look down on me when they know my real level...why them? Or am I just thinking too much?

This step gonna give me a lot of new experiences..so why am I so scared of it? Is it just human nature or am I taking a wrong step in my life? I seriously dont understand why.. I feels like crying bur why I cant..most importantly is..I dont even know why I feel like crying..

Is it because of the anxiety? Because Im too scared to face the future? Because this is wrong? Why cant I understand myself?

Argh...!! Cant anyone tell me what to do?

Then again... The experiences will make me more mature wont it?

Love Letter

I am thinking of writing a letter.

I held the pen in my hand

and start thinking what I should write.

Suddenly my face blushed.

Since all that came to my mind is you.

Should I write you a love letter?

A girly, flowery love letter?

Should I do that?

For you to understand my feeling?

The feeling that I have been hiding.

The doki, doki sound my heart are making when you are around.

Ah! Suddenly feel like I am such an idiot.

Why am I still thinking about this?

When I got a letter to write.

Ah! Could it be the reason is because,

I am thinking of you.

Should I write you a love letter?

A girly, flowery love letter?

Should I do that?

For you to understand my feeling?

The feeling that I have been hiding.

The doki, doki sound my heart are making when you are around.

I want to write you a love letter.

A girly, flowery love letter.

That would convey my feeling.

The love I hold towards you.

Maybe I should do that.

If thats what it take to you notice me more.

New Start To a New Chapter of My Life

Okay.. I was going to post this last Saturday after Hari Anugerah but i got lazy so.. :P

The connection to secondary school life is finally over and Im off to a new chapter of my life. University. --> either JPA (IJAZAH) or UIAM (DIPLOMA) anyway, Im sure gonna pursue Law as my course. Good Luck me~

Talking about last Saturday, it seems like everything didnt go my way. +__+ Wearing a new baju kurung, and the teacher told me to wear a blazer. A platform heels, and it broke the very morning. Feeling like Im going to tell the guy I once liked him, and he didnt came! >:<

Just remember something, does this mean that Im off to a VERY bad start to a new chapter? *___*

Something stupid...

I thought I was over you..

I thought you are already in the past..

But why is it..

When I see your smile,

my heart start going crazy..

I cant even look straight to your eyes without feeling my own blush..

Whenever I see your face,

Doki, Doki goes my heart..

I started thinking what are your thought when you look at me..

I started wondering how you see in your eyes..

Whenever you look at me,

Doki, Doki goes my heart.

I should really stop this..

Before my nervousness block my own mind..

Before I lost track on the reality

Since the dreams seems much more brighter....

................

I should wakes up..

Since even though he might be the Prince Charming..

Im not his Cinderalla...

Even though I know that..

Why is it that whenver I see his face..

My heart started going doki, doki..

My memories...

Erm...All the memories from back when I was a student tugged me to write this..hehhe...hyperbola betul! Nope... This is just my way to keep the memory fresh in my mind, so that when I read back all this, I will laugh and smile to myself. Okay.. This entry is to wrote down all the stupid/embarrasing/laughable/sad/i-seriously-didnt-know-what-i-was-thinking type of things that happen during my primary and secondary school life..erm..after writing it, I realise that it also contain some ranting that I never let it out before. Hehehe... Sorry to any person that felt offended. I didnt put any name (well, for the bad thing at least) but I suppose you know who you are, so sorry in advance.

1) 'Help' my friend to write a love letter to her crush...and that stupid letter ended up making everyone think that I AM THE ONE who are having a crush on that guy since almost everyone know my handwriting. -.-" I shouldnt have offer to help her, and to make thing worse, that stupid girl didnt even try to explain it to everyone! (primary school, standard 6)

2) You know how boys always do things to annoy girls right? And throwing a dead cockroach is one of their 'thing' to attract girls. So, being an egoistic person I am, yes, its not something to brag..hahah.. Back to the topic, so, I took it and throw it back to him. And guess what, he screamed! LMAO!!! (primary school, standard 6)

3) Erm...what else... Okay.. the only reason I started liking English is because of my standard 3 teachers, Cikgu Datin (I forgot her real full name) is a GREAT teacher! She teaches us songs and dances..Love and miss the memories! (primary schoo, standard 3)

4) According to my parents, I started my primary school life not being able to read. Seriously! My parents the one who teaches me until I was able to get 1st place in my class and finally moved up a class to the 2nd class for standard 3 (3 Zuhal) I studied in Zuhal class for 3 years (for standard 3, 4 and 5) and moved to class Musytari for standard 6. (primary school)

5) I liked a guy in my class... Hes so cute!! >< But I never gather enough courage to confess so I graduated from primary school not being able to tell him my feeling (he most probably gonna turned me down T__T) And to make thing worse, he didnt come when we are taking our class picture so I have no picture of him at ALL!!! (primary school)

6) I found a dead bee one..and I kept it in a pencil box. Dont ask why. I seriously dont know what I was thinking at that time! Keeping a dead bug?! Serious mental problem when I think back about it.. +__+ (primary school)

7)I once walked back from my school to my house during the fasting time..under the scorching heat...*___* since my teacher forget that I already ask her to bring me home.. My parents have to go somewhere and I REALLY need to go to school to check my secondary school option... (primary school, standard 6)

8) I was always one of the earliest to go to school and always the late one to go home...I was so late that I think the guard already know my face. Since I know that my mum gonna come late, I always hang out in the library and it is easy to do that when you are the librarian and love to read books.. (primary school)

9) I have a crush on a guy just cause my roommates said that he like me. LMAO..!! Stupid reason to like someone! XP He was my classmate and I once said Hi to him and praise his drawing.. I was crazy about drawing at that time so he really attract my attention.. I dont know what happen to him...but I suddenly have the feeling that I want to see him.. (secondary school, form 1)

10) Theres once time I force myself to fall face down on my bed cause my roommate open the window , I havent wear any tudung and my hair is still showing. That was funny and stupid all in the same tine. (secondary school, form 1)

11) The slippery floor during Isya' prayer.. WTH...! I fell down wearing a baju kurung and the skirt showed almost all of my thigh... >//< The seniors walking with me didnt even try to help me up! Worse thing, I fell down next to the guys' praying place. *___* I dont have the courage to find out who saw the accident. (secondary school, form 1)

12) Erm.. My friends said that I looked like a thug when I first walked into the class the first day I transfered school. To make matter worse, I even said 'Yo' to a girl from my primary school. That was funny when I think about it. I didnt even think that my walk look like a thug! (secondary school, form 1)

13) Went to a bahas camp with Mai and Akid..and I realise how different I am from Mai.. hahaha... she has always been the one that attract all of the attention of others. And I had always been like the wallpaper.. Maybe it because I lacked attraction or maybe it because I myself didnt have the drive to make myself attractive... (secondary school, form 3)

14) Cried my eyes off in the toilet when I got my PMR's result. The result is bad by itself, getting a B in BM, and my friend's comment just make everything worse.. (secondary school, form 3)

15) Erm.... The principal said something bad about me getting B in BM to the next class.. and that make everything even worse... It really bring me down, and make me realise that most adult dont care about you. They only care about what you can give to them. I learnt it the hard way it seems. (secondary school, form 4)

16) Never trust gossips or it will ruin your life! This happen to me and my friends, and it really make our friendship suffer. We started doubting each other. That was really the downfall of my school life. I even went to talk to the teacher , just to be told that I really took what people said to my head. Erm.. Remembering this make me feels like I need to apologise to that someone. Tan Hui Ying. Sorry for doubting you. Sorry for all the bad thing I may have said in front or behind you. Sorry for didnt see behind all those lies. Sorry. (secondary school, form 4)

17) Liked a guy because hes serious and different from all those playful guys around me, just to find out that he is even worse than those playful guys. Sh!t...! He really drive me crazy with his stupid attitude! But, Im glad that I didnt get the position and I have all the space to cold my head. ^^ And I am also glad that he and me can go back to being friends, without me hating him for being a stupid guy. (secondary school, form 4)

18)Have a crush for a clown. XP And finally gotten rid of the feelings by liking someone else, and the fact that he like someone that are close to me also play a huge part on me forgetting him. But, all those time I still like being close to him and he give me the drive to study more, since I want to beat him really bad. LOL..! I think Im gonna tell him that I had once liked him next Saturday. What you think? (secondary school, form 5)

19) I cried without a reason when someone who I already consider as my bestfriend suddenly said that I angry at him for being with another girl. WTFH! I dont know why I cried myself, just I suddenly felt like crying. Just for the fact, I only avoid him and ultimately make him THINK Im angry at him because I dont want his girlfriend to think that Im trying to be close to him. I know how jealousy felt like, so I dont want other girl to felt it. And my good attention really dug my own grave since THE GIRL is the one telling him that I LIKE HIM, her boyfriend! Again, WTFH! (secondary school, form 5) Erm.... Maybe Im glad that things worked out this way..?

20) My artistic side. Hahahaha... Who am I kidding? My artistic level is as much as a monkey. *__* So, maybe its my musical side? Since I was in the marching band and also the Gamelan group. Tryth-be-told, I sux at both...>< I really love playing Clarinet (My marching Band Instrument) and Bonang (Gamelan) but seriously...I dont have any musical side in myself.. It was still a sweet memories non-the-less.. Well... That is until cikgu Rosli was transfered to KE of course.. +__+ (secondary school)

21) Hated the counselling teacher the whole time she was in the school. *__* It all started when she trash-talked about MRSM Balik Pulau, the MRSM my sis and bro graduated from. She said that if her daughter get that MRSM, she would rather let her stay in Convent. WTF! My sis and bro graduated from there and they turned up fine! Also I hate the way she talk and her attitude. She suppose to be the one pushing you to your best, but instead she always make me felt that she is looking down on me. Like I wasnt worthy in her eyes. Also the way she PRETEND to be all nice and friendly, while all the time, you can see that she is just pretending! She is the reason why I had a lot of things in my mind, but I got noone to talk to. She suppose to be the counselor! (secondary school)

22) I was pretty crazy when I am around that 'Kucing Gila', aka Akid. Well, though I really hate being called 'Kucing kurap', I guess Im gonna miss all those bickering..and maybe I miss him? XP Erm... Its really fun since we are both semi-adult but we are acting like two childish kid fighting with each other. Even the teachers know about us.. And most even make the conclusion that I was together with him. LMAO! That was a stupid conclusion! (secondary school, form 4 & 5)

23) Went to the cinema once with all the girls, watching High School Musical 3. All of we together occupied the entire seat. I were so noisy that Siti keep telling me to keep it down.. LOL..!! I really am a noisy girl arent i? ^_< (secondary school)

24) We dissect a frog once. I kinda force my dad and bro to search for it and ended up taking two frogs to school (one of them are dissected, while the other one is being let free) The funny thing is, we even buried the frog! ROFL! (secondary school, form 5)


---gonna be updated after this when I remember more memories---

My 1st Interview!! >< PILN Law UK--14/4/2011

My interview is on 11.55am and they told me to come 30 minutes early for registration..and the brilliant me ask my dad to come EARLIER THAN THAT. And thats the reason why the clock are showing 10am, and my dad's creamy Vios has already been parked at the Kompleks Sukan, Veledrom Rakyat, Ipoh Perak. Genius me.. =..=" So, I waited with nervousness for the my panel's turn. (Im in panel 3, number 1) Theres a lot of Chinese and few of Malays and Indians.
At 12am, its finally our turn to walk in the room. Staring at us are 2 women and 1 man. My heart was seriously pumping like crazy! Then, he said that we are lucky to get the interview since only half of the applicant are choosen for it.

The first thing he said is introduction (in BI). I was quite happy since I already prepared the text for this.. XP Thanks to all the seniors' experiences!! I was the first one to go as I was lucky number1. I make the man laughed when he asked me does my school has a lot of Jambus (my secondary and primary school is Kampung Jambu in name) I just smiled and said no, but we do have a statue of Jambus (seriously, we do). I was really scared when I hear all the members' of my panel introduction, since they have national level certification.. =..= I thought that Im gonna die since my ko-ku isnt that shiny in comparision to them. But, I got to say that they have communication problem, theres a lot of err and aah.. (didnt they prepare the introduction text beforehand?) And I forgot a whole paragraph from this..=..=" too late to remember now I guess.

Second question. What courses are you taking? (BM) I was the 1st to answer I think. I was quite okay here too since I did a text for this too. I said that I want to be a lawyer so that I can help innocent people (in my naive state of mind) Then, the man laughed (since its a naive dream) and asked how about if my client is guilty? I said, then as a good lawyer I would ask him/her to confess up and I added, as a GREAT lawyer, I would try to shorten their jail time.

Third question: How you see yourself in 15 year time? (BM) I was the second one to answer. Its quite funny since I raise my hand the same time as the 3rd guy and he ended up giving the spot to me. I said that I saw myself as a lecturer at the local university (just added local for effect XP) The reason why I said lecturer is because lawyer would bring out more question like in what direction, crime, sivil, or syarie' so lecturer is the safest answer. The woman ask, not lawyer? Then, I said my ultimate goal is to be a lecturer and give back all the knowledge I had gained to others.

Fourth question: What characteristic an officer should have? (BM) I was the last one to answer. I asked whether I can answer in a lawyer's view. And one of the female interviewer smiled. So, I said that a lawyer should have bravery, and I took the last interviewee's idea about telling the truth. And my second point also is a combination with the 3rd guy idea about time management. I said that very few Malays have this attitude. Thats why there is such thing as 'Janji Melayu'. Promise 2pm and they will come at 2.30pm. The last interviewer nodded abit when I said this.

Fifth question: Whats the meaning of keterampilan diri? (BM) I was first I think. I said that it is all about looking clean. Qouting: It about not wearing 'selipar Jepun' but in the same time, you dont really need to wear branded, expensive clothings. They didnt ask anything but the last interviewee was hit abit since he kinda use my idea, but with a different words..so I was feeling a bit guilty and started thinking did I said too much and make the others lose their points? T..T gomen......

Last question: Theres three bekas air mineral in front of them. Left: Empty, standing upright. Middle: Full, standing upright. Right: Full, upside down. We were asked to talk anything about it, like life, studies etc. I raised my hand directly after they finish explaining. I said that it consist of 2 points: Knowledge and basic of life. First, I said that when you dont have any knowledge, it is easy for you to be defeated. I even took the initiave to walk in front and make the bekas air fall. XP Then, I think I forget to make it stand again. The second point, I talk about when your basic of life is strong, then you will be stronger. (based on physic point of equilibium and size of base) After I finish, all the interviewers said that I really am cut out to be a lawyer. XD so damn happy when they said that! ^^

Overal point of view: I was really lucky that they only asked us to talk in English for the introduction! Only 2 candidates (me and another Chinese boy) can talk quite fluent while the other two has alot of err and aah in their talk. The Chinese boy really stand up since his Malay is really fluent and he didnt have slang like most Chinese does. I think I did great, but only time will tell whether I can get the scholarship or not. Wish me luck!

help me!!!!

aku selalu dengar rintihan orang lain, tapi sos aku naper xda orang pernah dengar???!!! aku tau nie sumer salah aku..aku yang sebabkan semua nie..tapi...bukan niat aku!!!! tolong.........kenapa tak ada siapa nak bantu aku...aku dah buntu dengan semua nie..aku sendiri tak tahu kenapa aku menangis...tapi...aku tak sanggup bler aku fikirkan yang aku penyebab semua nie......!!!