Psst...Hey you..

Nak tahu tak?

Aku rasa aku masih sayangkan persahabatan kita. :)

Tapi aku pasti bagi kau aku hanya satu gangguan. :(

Apa-apa pun. Aku hanya nak cakap. Aku rindu kau kadang-kadang. :D

Jadi, tolong. 

Jangan ignore aku kalau kita terserempak. 

_____________

Untuk kau yang lain.

Nak tahu?

Aku menangis sebab geram sangat dengan kau.

Nak tahu?

Mungkin kau betul. Mungkin aku geram sebab kau dah ada girlfriend.

Mungkin aku ignore kau sebab kau dah ada girlfriend.

Tapi nak tahu?

Kalau kita terus rapat, hati aku yang akan terluka.

Aku yang akan terus sukakan kau.

Tapi sebab aku tahu benda ni tak patut, tak adil bagi girlfriend kau, aku bawa diri aku.

Salahkah?

Perlukah kau mencari aku mencari jawapan?

________________________

Do you both wanna know?

Maybe I'm still hung up over you?

............

Nah. :)

We are still friends aren't we?

JUST WANNA GET THIS OUT

BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE CRYING ALREADY

*INSERT SAD SONG*

I sent my laptop to someone for formatting last Saturday, and got it back on Sunday  (formatting + clean inner fan + anti virus + game download). The problem arose now when I realised that my folder is gone. 

Okay, back to the beginning. I know that formatting will bring the laptop to factory-format and I was suppose to back up the data myself.  But, since I read in their page that they said that they will back up my datas, so I didn't. So, there lies a folder in my desktop titled 'Important but Time-consuming.' Dalam tu ada gambar2 from my secondary school days, gambar2 families, gambar2 masa kat cfs( my club as well as just hanging out). Selain gambar, ada gak animes, mangas, my writings over the years. All gone. I don't really care about the other, just that it's kinda sadden me that the pictures I gathered from my school times are now gone. Gone without anyway of getting it back. Damn.. Rasa nak nangis habis sekarang nie. 

Lagi teruk bila fikir yang aku contribute untuk kesilapan diorang nie. 

That's all I guess. I don't even know why I'm writing this, but I just feel like doing it. Cara nak kurangkan rasa nak nangis mungkin? Walaupun aku rasa cam lagi teruk feeling sekarang nie. Emo habis..

Pengajaran: Sebelum format - back up sendiri datas and don't care whether diorang ada service tu or not. 

THERE IS A STORY BEHIND EVERY SONG

okay... I'm addicted to Yuna. :D

DECORATE

YUNA

So you decided to see me out of the blue
Should I let you come over
I think you’re doing fine
That girl in your arms does she know where you come from

Almost made me move out of town
You don’t want me to be around
But I stayed anyway
Just in case

Finding reasons to hate you more than before
Like how you said you would call
but never at all
Got rid of your number that I know by heart

You left your things at my place
As if I have all the space
But you know I don’t mind

Just come back when you think it’s time

I’m all black and white inside
Monotonous from left to right
I decorate my house with things you love
Just in case you show up
In case you show up

(Going to try to make a story based on this song.. It is going to be a sad story, probably..)

Motivational Song For The Day/Week/Month

SUPER SOMETHING 

YUNA

You see
I was nothing more
Than a girl who wished
For something different
Watchin her dreams
From a distance

You see
When you came in
It's a different game
You believe in me so much
You turn me from nothing to a girl
Who's super-something
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/y/yuna/super_something.html ]
(Chorus)
You'll see
I'm better
I'm faster
Stronger
I'm happier
When you by my side
(Ku lalui semua dengan senyuman di wajahku)
You'll see
I'm better
I'm faster
Stronger
I'm happier
When you by my side
(Ku tempuhi semua kerana engkau di sisi ku)

The truth is
I was never more than this
Something kept me from reaching out
For something
But my heart is wanting
What it's looking for
Then you came
You turn me upside down
I'm no longer afraid
Of chasing
Possibilities
I'll be the last one standing

You wanna know something?

I hate changes. Why does it even exist? Why can't we just be in our own comfort zone? Why do we need to take a chance? How do we know whether the end result would be something that we like or not? How to be sure that we won't regret it? How to be sure that the chances are the very good thing for us?

Blaarghhh... Again, pessimistic me thinking about the fact that I will change roommates after next sem. Like around Sept I guess. Peoples might be jumping up and down, unable to wait until they can change their room. While I excited by the fact that my room would be in much lower floor (I'm on the 5th floor right now), I'm not that intrigued with having to change roommates. Why? I rather like my current roommates, heck, I love them. But, I know that they have their own friends so they must be waiting for the chance to share a room with someone they know more.. 

Urghh.. Now, I'm all depressed and I haven't even finished final for this year. Which remind me, I got memorisation and an exam on Wednesday, and I'm spending the whole Tuesday playing in amusement park with my current roommates.. Yeah for idiocy and lazinesss! :D

This is bothering me even when I know it shouldn't.

Okay.. Lama habis tak post apa, not that anyone is waiting. Depressed habis ayat tu sedangkan aku memang  sebenarnya hanya tulis nie semua untuk lepaskan perasaan. For the future me to read it. Best jugak bila dah lama and baca balik all that happiness, naivety, and even gloominess that surrounded the past me.

Rasa cam nak je balik ke masa lampau and bagitau the past me that life just get worse as it moved on, so just fuck whatever current shits you are in, and hold your head high with your own decision. But, I can't. So, I guess I will just keep that thought with the present me. 

So, why am I here again? That is always the thing isn't it? The only reason a post would be here if I was too bothered with something and I don't know how to explain it to anyone else. Guess I found clarity, or even some self-assurance by putting my thoughts on paper. Technically of course. 

The thing is, just a few days ago, my friend said that she wants to introduce me to a guy she know, because according to her, we would get along well. It was amusing at first, with my roommates and other friend getting excited over it. And then, I started to feel scared. That was the moment I realise how low my self-esteem is. I don't know whether this is just pure pessimistic or anything, but suddenly I get the feeling that no guy will like me because I'm a size extra large. Stupid, I know. But, it is really hard to get over that feeling. It's not that easy as telling yourself that you are amazing and great that your size doesn't matter. (Even more when your attitude is much, much worse than your size like me) 

I'm being a hypocrite and I know it. I always tell my friend that she beautiful even with a large body. That she rocks that body and she look good. And now, I'm questioning my very own value just because I'm plus size. Almost what the shit feeling really. 

Quote: "Just fuck whatever shits you are in.." 

Yeah.. Easier said than done.. and again, I'm a lousy ass hypocrite.